Learning to Be Hard on Myself, Soft on others

Morning watch - 8.6.25 @ 5:40 am

I've been thinking a lot about those verses in Matthew and Ephesians lately - the ones about mercy and how God deals with us. There's something I'm starting to understand about the connection between being hard on myself and being gracious with other people.
I used to think being merciful meant just being easy on everyone, including myself. But I'm realizing that's not real mercy at all. When I let myself slide on things - like when I keep hitting snooze or making excuses for not following through on commitments - I notice I become oddly tolerant of the same behaviors in others. But it's not genuine compassion; it's more like we're both just settling for mediocrity together.
The people I most respect, the ones who seem to have real wisdom about grace, are actually pretty disciplined with themselves. They don't make excuses for their own stuff, but when I mess up, they don't crush me for it either. There's something about their self-discipline that gives them the ability to be truly merciful.
I think about how God operates - completely righteous in who He is, but incredibly merciful in how He deals with my constant failures. If He treated me with the same standard He holds Himself to, I'd be toast. But His mercy isn't cheap grace; it comes from a place of perfect righteousness.
I want to learn this balance. To stop making excuses for myself when I fall short, but to extend real grace when others do. Not the fake kind that just overlooks everything, but the kind that comes from understanding my own need for mercy.
This feels like it's more about what's happening in my heart than just changing my behavior. The attitude has to shift first - being honest about my own stuff while staying tender toward other people's struggles. It's harder than it sounds.