Grief 

 Years ago, when I was working as a nurse aide, I met a young woman who was by any standard in good condition. After being introduced, I was given her diagnosis. She had lung cancer. A couple of weeks went by, and her lungs got weaker and were placed in hospice, and her pain got worse and worse. 

   To understand the discomfort of a lung patient – or someone who is terminally ill. You must take time to listen, imagine, and move carefully so you get the entire picture. It’s about not coming too close to the picture right away.

   I was often sent in to care for her even though it wasn’t right for me to be. But because of the lack of staff, I would. She didn’t have oxygen; her lips were blue and her body had markings of blue.

  Her husband came to see her but really couldn’t do much but stand there helpless and try to comfort her. She didn’t want to fight anymore; she often said her only wish was to die. She did at one-point attempt to jump out the 5th-floor window but was unsuccessful. She would ask the medical staff to inject poison into her so she could die. I asked her if she ever sought God about her death wish, but she told me she was an atheist so no she never sought him for answers.

   The only joy she had (if only for a brief moment) was a cigarette. Just a few puffs, not more than that. I remember crying as I helped her light the cigarette. Her hands trembled had difficulty holding them so that she could inhale. It cost her a lot to take one deep breath – but for her, it was the best she could do. She enjoyed her smokes.

  It made an impression on me to watch a person break down as she did in just 10 weeks. In that short amount of time, I’d given her all the physical care, but I never asked her how she felt about being so sick. She had asked the staff to help her die.

   Since that day I have talked over 250 people out of suicide, I have been with families when their loved ones moved out of this world to the next it never becomes routine. It’s always hard and emotional just as it is for the family and relatives left behind. In those situations, I don’t feel like a chaplain or counselor, I feel like a co-being.

 We all know that death is one law of nature we can’t avoid, for many the fear of their death is nothing – but the fear of losing someone close is terrifying to know that they will have to go on without that person. The search for the meaning, always leads to the question of why?

   Unfair and meaningless those two words are related, a young child dies after drowning in a body of water he was told to stay away from that seems unfair. When life loses its meaning this way whether it be a husband, wife, or child the survivor learns to isolate and say no to invitations. Eventually, you will have to put on a happy face and know that they are in a much better place.